Bump In The Night

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It was bound to happen… It had been over three days since the last Mets humiliation, so you knew we were due. In Tuesday night’s game in Colorado a simple pop-up baffled the collective brains of the Mets infield, resulting in David “Dinky” Wright colliding with Ike Davis.

After rolling his ankle on the play Ike was placed on the fifteen-day Disabled List.

If you check out the replay you’ll notice human paperweight Mike Pelfrey helpfully standing on the mound and making no effort to either catch the ball hit directly over his head or to call off one of the fielders on their collision course. Mike is special.

Catcher Ronny “Placebo” Paulino does even less, but gets excused because he stayed off-camera.

Who was at the plate, you ask? Who hit the fated pop-up that took our first baseman and best hitter out of commission? None other than Met-Killer Troy Tulowitzki, whose season got off to an explosive start as he creamed the Mets at home in April. His numbers against us for the 2o11 season so far? .522 average, .593 on-base percentage with 5 home runs. And it’s May 10^th.

Not to be outdone by the reckless stupidity at the corners, team nincompoop Daniel Murphy makes a glaring error on the very next play by forgetting to look at the ball off the bat and falling on his ass while Todd Helton’s catchable line drive goes screaming past him for a base hit. If you don’t know why Daniel Murphy is such a fuckup please check out this link.

Am I bitter? You bet. Am I angry? Of course. I’m a Met fan watching Met baseball, and I deserve the pain. Why couldn’t it have been vacant pretty-boy Wright who landed on the DL? What was Ike’s sin- playing like an old-school, no-nonsense veteran in only his second season? Refusing to wear Dinky’s nighttime eye-black?? Consistently striking the ball with his bat? The beard? Now we’re blaming David’s offensive impotence and .234 average on nagging “back discomfort” while Ike’s .302 average and 7 home runs sit in the clubhouse icing down an ankle.

The final score indicated that the Mets won, but if you’ve been watching the games this year you know that the score rarely tells the full story of the game, and this blustery night at Coors Field was no exception.

Even when we win we lose.

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