Appreciation At The Rapture

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The 2011 season has given us many fond memories already and it’s not even Memorial Day. Since roughly 4% of certifiably batshit humans prepared for the end of the world last weekend, the rest of us should take a moment to realistically appreciate what we have: a Mets season and team that we can root for.

Fight

Let’s face it; this team began spring training with distractions and massive issues on and off the field. The truth about the Madoff/Wilpon connection had just come out…questions swirled over the legitimacy of the team’s chances after an awful year and no additions made in the off-season…Reyes and Beltran were entering contract years…Johan was rendered all but out for the season. This was a mediocre team that had every reason to flush themselves out of contention by May. But despite it all, the Mets sit at .500 after 44 games  - even with David Wright, Ike Davis, Angel Pagan, Jason Bay and Chris Young missing significant time with injuries.

The New York/Buffalo Mets

As much as we all miss Oliver Perez, Luis Castillo and Jose Valentin, it’s nice to see some players on the field that look like they actually want to be on the field. The fact that they are coming in the form of Mets’ farmhands and are actually contributing at the major league level just makes it even sweeter.

The homegrown arms have been vital this season. Pedro Beato has been lights-out. Dillon Gee and Jonathon Niese have been solid all season, Bobby Parnell was throwing bb’s before he got hurt and even Mike “LaLoosh” Pelfrey is showing signs that he might be coming around.

Guys like Justin Turner, Ruben Tejada, Josh Thole, Daniel Murphy, Nick Evans and Fernando Martinez have all contributed and have done admirable jobs with their roles they were forced into.

Izzy Dead?

It’s tough to expect Jason Isringhausen to continue performing at this high level given his age and injury history, but even if it ends tomorrow, we can say he had his moment of the season in game 1 against the Yankees in the Bronx. Clinging to a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 8^th inning, Izzy retired Mark Teixeira, Alex Rodriguez and Robinson Cano in order.

Izzy now has pitched 15 innings during his second stint with the Mets with an ERA of 1.80, a 0.87 WHIP and 13 strikeouts through the first 44 games… and dammit, that’s not bad.

Omar Who?

The fans were sick from watching overpaid and underperforming players. This current team competes and plays every game hard – two compliments that were never even considered for the sleepwalking Minaya teams of the last 4 years.  Kudos to GM Sandy Alderson for cleaning house and removing the Omar-stank quickly and quietly.

Big Years

Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, Ike Davis and Francisco Rodriguez have put together fantastic starts to their seasons and have played huge roles in getting the Mets to .500.

Selig Claiming the Dodgers

You know what this means. No one has paid more attention to Selig’s jacking of Frank McCourt’s Dodgers than Fred Wilpon. The sooner MLB forces Wilpon to sell the team, the sooner a new owner can be found to hopefully provide the common sense, intelligence and integrity that is nowhere to be found under the Wilpons re.

Keith Hernandez

What? We’re talking bright spots of the Mets’ season and he’s one of them. Known for his brutal honesty and ability to fit his size 13D-wide foot in his mouth, Mex has done his ditzy-celebrity-but-on-point-baseball-mind persona perfectly this year. He’s even scaled back on his sometimes lengthy and self-indulgent monologues and recollections about his own playing days, which can be summed up in seven words: Rusty, Lou Brock, Michelob, and Rib-Eye Steaks.

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Sure, it’s only been 44 games - but the season has been strangely respectable and unusually promising… maybe it really is the end of the world.

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No Habla Espanol

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There’s something happening here… what it is ain’t exactly clear. There’s never been any official statement from the organization, but the Mets- under the new management of Terry Collins and Sandy Alderson- have purged the team of Latinos almost completely. And that’s a fantastic thing.

Let’s get something straight here- I have nothing against Latinos. I love the people, I envy them their warm climate and ability to enjoy baseball year-round, and two of my three favorite Mets- Johan Santana and Angel “Butter” Pagan- are Latin. And in case you’re wondering, the other is a Jew.

It’s not Latino players that are the problem- it’s the way in which they were brought here. Former General Manager and racist huckster Omar Minaya was so insecure he decided to exploit his Latino heritage by signing Latin free agents in order to create an ethnically homogenized, culturally-polarized baseball club, a group of players divided in the clubhouse and disjointed on the ball field. And the result was that we stopped playing as a team.

It’s a well-publicized fact that when Omar first approached Carlos Delgado he used as his selling point not the heritage and tradition of the Mets organization, but the prospect of Carlos “joining his Latin brothers in playing on my team.” How do we know this? Delgado- disgusted- broke the story to the media. If a white man- assembling an all-white team- had ever been exposed for using race as a bargaining tactic he would be fired immediately and probably shot moments later. This was one of many mysterious free passes that Omar received from the media… hey, they couldn’t blow the whistle on league-wide steroid use, so you really can’t expect them to stand up to Omar Minaya and foil “Operation: Salsa.”

Delgado would eventually sign with the Mets, after re-thinking Omar’s offer, and why wouldn’t he? He was getting a ton of money to come to Queens and die. That’s what Castillo did. That’s what Beltran was doing before he came alive in ’11. This wasn’t a team- it was a Latin sports hero retirement home, a museum… a zoo. At one point in 2009 we had three different men named Fernando on the active roster. The clubhouse was a nightmare- a virtual wall was built between the Spanish-speaking players and the English-speaking players. Certainly Latinos were accused of “forgetting English” for post-game press conferences- especially losses- and of simply disappearing from the media entirely when they didn’t feel like speaking. Omar not only created this communication breakdown- he fostered it by refusing to draw the line and demand accountability or results from ANY of his players. In fact, Omar took the unprecedented tact of playing his team against ownership, against fans, and against itself. Raise your hand if you think this is going to end badly.

Sandy Alderson and Terry Collins are consciously bringing balance back into the Mets clubhouse- one carefully-chosen roster move at a time. It’s not healthy for a club to be too Latin. And it’s also not healthy for a club to be too white, or too black, or too Italian, or too Irish. Diversity is the name of the game, just like in everyday life. Omar is a memory, and his racist ways are gone at last. ¡Es maravilloso!

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Wright Vs. Right

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David Wright apparently sustained a stress fracture to his lower back on April 19^th in a game against Houston.

This of course raises two questions. 1) Houston still has a major league franchise? And 2) Why did this information take 25 days to ascertain?

“They had wanted me to get an MRI for some time now, and I kind of – I won’t say put it off – but I felt like it was getting better,” Wright inexplicably said over the weekend.

Lower back stress fractures typically get worse with activity and go away with rest. It’s highly unlikely that Wright was in fact feeling better as he continued to play everyday and his declining numbers certainly justify the suspicion: he had just 11 hits in 62 at-bats (.177) since April 25.

Wright didn’t tell the team that he was dealing with this pain and therefore the Mets’ medical staff –one of the league’s worst when it actually knows of an injury – could not do anything to treat it.

Was Wright supposed to know the proper treatment for a fracture? Did he even know he had a fracture? Highly doubtful. And why would he know if he never got it checked out?

Never mind Wright’s stupidity for refusing a simple MRI (a procedure that costs a modern day athlete a mere hour of their day), more importantly if the team was pushing for him to have an MRI ‘for some time now’ then they knew something was potentially wrong. So why aren’t the Mets ordering Dinky - the soon-to-be lone face of the franchise left on the team – to have an MRI? Is Mr. Met really going to say no? If he did say no, it would be the first time he said no to anything they requested.

It’s tough to know Wright’s motives for keeping quiet. Could he possibly be so insecure that he thinks his job was in jeopardy if he were to miss a few games or land on the DL? The face of the franchise needs to know that he can be honest about injuries without suffering the fate of Wally Pipp.

More likely of an explanation is the idea that David Wright is another in a long line of modern day athletes who confuses toughness with leadership. The type of star that thinks ‘playing every day’ and ‘gritting it out’ alone will make them enough of a leader. Being in the lineup everyday is certainly a positive and a good example for teammates - but it is only a small piece of the ‘leader’ puzzle. One of the largest pieces of that puzzle, especially in New York, is – to put it bluntly - having a set of stones.

Some might call the types of players who lack these stones ‘a different type of leader’ or a ‘lead-by-example’ type leader, but let’s call a spade a spade: these players make the choice not to step up into this role. Met fans saw it for years from Mike Piazza. He was tough as nails, played his hardest and put up phenomenal numbers. But when push came to shove, he was an absentee presence in the clubhouse.

Those that have followed Wright’s career know how little the third-baseman likes to say anything controversial. Serving under his fourth manager in Queens, nary a word has been said by David about any of the four gentlemen he has played for – either complimentary or derogatorily. He doesn’t write provocative tweets. He doesn’t sit out games when his spot in the batting order changes. He doesn’t critique management (and honestly, what player in the majors has had more right/opportunity to do so other than Wright, the biggest star with the most power on the bumbling Mets of the Wilponzi era?) In short, he doesn’t do anything that could even potentially be perceived as negative.

Sure, playing every day and not stirring the pot shows good character and can be a breath of fresh air. But what athletes like Wright often do is mistake character and attendance for leadership while failing to use their crystal clean charisma for good. No one is suggesting you’re not a good guy Davey, but it’s your eighth year in the league and you haven’t even accidentally flexed your locker room muscle for the good of the franchise. Every Met fan out there would accept you not playing all 162 games and resting once in a while in exchange for 145 games played and you possessing the gumption to occasionally grab some teammates by the throat and demand they play the right way.

And while it’s unfair to blame Wright for any of the epic disasters that marred the Omar Years, maybe if he spoke up a little more and wielded some of the clout that he has spent countless hours earning through public appearances and overall ‘good-guy-ness’ - the old regime would have been ushered out of town a little sooner and as a result, placed the Mets a few seasons ahead in the rebuilding process they find themselves immersed in today.

But Wright seems to be okay with his place on the Superstar Path of Least Resistance. The type of cookie-cutter star ballplayer model that was perfected by Alex Rodriguez, controlling every element of their image, never giving their naysayers a free reason to question their drive or knock them. The resulting figure makes for a player who certainly does the right thing and respects the game, but one who fans have a very hard time fully embracing or connecting with, leaving them with positive but hollow feeling towards their superstar.

Perhaps this is undeserved pressure and responsibility to place on Wright and other athletes. Maybe fans should just be thankful they’re not shooting themselves in the thigh in a nightclub with an unregistered gun or sexting dick-pics to unsuspecting cheerleaders. To be fair, David Wright is far from the biggest problem in sports today.

But as we saw with A-Rod, who got busted for steroids, eventually had his wife leave him after cheating on her with Madonna and is now banging every washed up blonde in Hollywood, these players are still human. Hopefully for Wright’s sake, not reporting his back injury earlier is the worst thing he does in his career. Met fans can only hope that, like A-Rod, Dinky can help in some way to deliver a championship. 

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Bump In The Night

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It was bound to happen… It had been over three days since the last Mets humiliation, so you knew we were due. In Tuesday night’s game in Colorado a simple pop-up baffled the collective brains of the Mets infield, resulting in David “Dinky” Wright colliding with Ike Davis.

After rolling his ankle on the play Ike was placed on the fifteen-day Disabled List.

If you check out the replay you’ll notice human paperweight Mike Pelfrey helpfully standing on the mound and making no effort to either catch the ball hit directly over his head or to call off one of the fielders on their collision course. Mike is special.

Catcher Ronny “Placebo” Paulino does even less, but gets excused because he stayed off-camera.

Who was at the plate, you ask? Who hit the fated pop-up that took our first baseman and best hitter out of commission? None other than Met-Killer Troy Tulowitzki, whose season got off to an explosive start as he creamed the Mets at home in April. His numbers against us for the 2o11 season so far? .522 average, .593 on-base percentage with 5 home runs. And it’s May 10^th.

Not to be outdone by the reckless stupidity at the corners, team nincompoop Daniel Murphy makes a glaring error on the very next play by forgetting to look at the ball off the bat and falling on his ass while Todd Helton’s catchable line drive goes screaming past him for a base hit. If you don’t know why Daniel Murphy is such a fuckup please check out this link.

Am I bitter? You bet. Am I angry? Of course. I’m a Met fan watching Met baseball, and I deserve the pain. Why couldn’t it have been vacant pretty-boy Wright who landed on the DL? What was Ike’s sin- playing like an old-school, no-nonsense veteran in only his second season? Refusing to wear Dinky’s nighttime eye-black?? Consistently striking the ball with his bat? The beard? Now we’re blaming David’s offensive impotence and .234 average on nagging “back discomfort” while Ike’s .302 average and 7 home runs sit in the clubhouse icing down an ankle.

The final score indicated that the Mets won, but if you’ve been watching the games this year you know that the score rarely tells the full story of the game, and this blustery night at Coors Field was no exception.

Even when we win we lose.

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Fred Man Walking

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Maybe we should have known that something shady was going on with the Mets finances a long time ago.

Maybe it shouldn’t have taken us until 2oo8, and the arrest of Bernie Madoff, and the revelation that Mets owner Fred Wilpon was his biggest investor and bestest buddy for us to see that Fred & Co. were on the winning end of the world’s greatest financial fraud.

We probably should have seen some red flags back in the early 90’s, when the Mets began deferring the payments of contract buy-outs until 2011. Instead of it paying 6 million dollars to part ways with players for good, the Mets countered by paying 20+ million dollars- twenty years later.

First of all, who does that? Has any other MLB team structured a buy-out like that before? The answer is no. And if you think Fred and Jeff and Saul Katz didn’t know that Bernie Madoff was dirtier than a Texaco Men’s Room you’re fooling yourself, my friend.

Only time will tell, but as of this writing it doesn’t look good for the Wilpons. Their Sterling-Mets investment firm was heavily invested with Madoff. Bernie had roughly 1,500 accounts and 461 of them- nearly one-third- were Sterling-Mets: all Wilpon money. The billion dollar lawsuit that Fred is currently facing asserts that he “knew or should have known” that Bernie was breaking all kinds of laws and running a fraudulent investment scheme. You don’t invest hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars without knowing what you’re doing.

Even if you wanted to give Fred the benefit of the doubt you’re faced with the reality that his other investment firm Sterling-Stamos was forced to pay back 13 million dollars as a result of being found guilty of a previous Ponzi scheme back in 2oo2. Fred was specifically targeted because his firm withdrew its investment money just before the scheme collapsed, and his settlement and pay-out is all but a confession that he knew what was going on, and that he had inside information about the scam. There’s more evidence damning him, and we’ll talk about it later, but for now every good Mets fan should start facing the reality that the owners of our team may be the most sinister and greedy in the history of the sport.

So was Freddy Wilpon a financial visionary with his bizarre ballooning buy-outs? Was he blazing a trail with deferred salaries at more than 300% their original value?

No. He just knew that he’d be making an exorbitant amount of money in a few years with the help of his magical broker Bernie. It looks bad, and it’s only going to get worse. When the lawsuit on behalf of the Madoff trustees comes to trial it will reveal the depth of the Wilpons’ guilt: losing the case means Fred was guilty, settling out of court means Fred was guilty, only winning the case would prove he was innocent of fraud and deception.

And if the Mets under Wilpon have taught us anything, it's that winning is rarely in the cards.

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One Run And Done

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After Tuesday night’s 7-6 loss in extra innings, the Mets stand at 2-7 in one-run games. Glass half-full? That’s 7 of their 17 losses that could have very easily gone either way. Glass half-empty? Bad teams find ways to lose close games.

Whatever the water level of the Mets’ proverbial glass, this record speaks mostly to their lack of lefty depth in their bullpen and their sub-.200 batting average as a team after the seventh inning.

Now the hitting will either turn around or it won’t; there’s no drill or technique that can improve clutch hitting. The law of averages suggests that the Met bats won’t be this impotent in late innings all year long.

The real culprit is the bullpen. The Mets have one left-handed reliever. And his name is Tim Byrdak. He’s got an ERA of 5.62 and is certainly not a lefty specialist. In Tuesday night’s game, it was the right-handed Taylor Buchholz who began the tenth inning against the lefty Aubrey Huff who subsequently homered. But more depth in the pen – specifically a southpaw or two - will lead to more flexibility for the team. In the meantime Terry Collins is going to have to manage better late in games or he's gonna need a glass full of something stronger than water. 

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The End Of The Affair

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Brangelina. Tomkat. Dickeas.

The latest celebrity romance of catcher Mike Nickeas and pitcher R.A. Dickey has officially ended. They won’t be throwing or catching together anymore, although their publicists confirm the two will remain “good friends.” Nickeas reportedly called for the split, and although Dickey shook him off, the two have gone their separate ways. Insiders attribute the breakup to the recent call-up of a now-healthy Ronny Paulino.

Dickey and Nickeas’ relationship dates back to 2005 when Nickeas was a Ranger minor leaguer catching Dickey’s knuckling cheddar in Spring Training. Mike is now headed back to Buffalo, and Dickey will do his best to hide hid his broken heart.

“We had something special… magical… [and I] will never forget my time with Mark Nickeas.”

Love blows.

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DINKY!

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"You guys wanna play sports?!?"

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Gee Spot

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On a team desperate for positives, you’d think Dillon Gee would get some more ink. But somehow Gee flies under the radar despite pitching to a 2.18 ERA and 1.21 WHIP in 5 starts last September. When called up for a spot start on April 17, he pitched five and two-thirds innings, giving up one run.

He won again today, reminding us of how a major league pitcher handles himself on the big stage.

Are you paying attention, Mr. Pelfrey?

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Return Of The Mountie

Who’s that in left field? It kind of looks like…wait, I think it just might be- yes! It’s Jason Bay!

After missing close to 70 (seventy!!) games in 2010 with a concussion, Bay seemed ready to return to the diamond in 2011. The week of opening day, Jason injured his rib cage and was placed on the DL. On April 12, the Mets announced that Bay’s return would be pushed back to April 26 – but did not report a setback in rehab or a new injury.

At this point, the natives were understandably getting a little restless. Fans were beginning to wonder if they would see the man (who the Mets signed for 4-years/$65 million) take the field again. Jason’s long vacation was just another punch to the suckhole for Met fans.

Not helping his case with the fans was the fact that the contract he signed 18 months ago was likely the last “big” contract the Met front office will tender for at least another two to three more years if not longer, thanks to our current financial woes. Bay is ours for better or worse.

Thanks, Bernie...

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Pridie Of The Mets

With Angel Pagan injuring his oblique and landing on the 15 day DL, the Mets needed an outfielder. Enter 27-year-old Jason Pridie from AAA-Buffalo. Pridie is most famous for being included in a huge trade in 2007 when the Rays sent him along with Brendan Harris and trade-headliner Delmon Young to the Twins in exchange for Matt Garza, Jason Bartlett and Eduardo Morlan.

Pridie has a total of 6 at-bats in the majors, playing in 11 games from 2008-2009 with the Twinkies. Since he was hitting .186 (11 for 59) with Buffalo at the time of his call-up, the Mets are selling him hard as an above average defensive centerfielder.

“This guy is really a good defensive player,” manager Terry Collins said of Pridie. “Really, really good.”

According to Webster’s Dictionary, “good” is better than “bad.”

Let’s play some baseball!

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Ejection Night

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We all knew it was coming.

Terry Collins finally exploded, finally erupted like the rage-filled volcano that we all know he is, and his ejection in the top of the first finally took the pressure off the Mets' bats and let them trounce the Astros in a 9-1 rout.

Think about it. It's like having a fury-powered taskmaster boss run your office and then one day he calls in sick. Instead of business coming to a standstill productivity actually increases as the employees feel empowered to manage themselves to success.

- Dinky Wright broke his 0-for-20 slump- the worst of his career- with a home run and a double. 

- Damaged Canadian Jason Bay made his first return to baseball since his Dodger Stadium concussion in July of 2o1o, and he doubled and scored. Hooray, eh?

- Catcher Mike Nickeas hit his first career home run tonight. As of this reading he has not yet stopped smiling.

So what did we learn today? I guess we learned that cursing out authority figures can sometimes pay off... and at least for tonight, the kids are alright.

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Ike No Like

Our beloved first baseman Ike Davis is getting a nasty reputation throughout the league for arguing balls and strikes and showing up umpires. It started in September of 2o1o, when Ike barked back at Lance Barksdale and grumbled all the way back to the dugout. In April '11 Ike struck out on a pitch that was low and inside, and repeatedly pointed with his bat until home plate umpire Hunter Wendelstedt threatened to eject him.

Most recently Ike disagreed with a high strike call from umpire Phil Cuzzi, so he lowered his pants and took a shit on home plate as a sign of protest.

Don't be such a grouch, Ike- have a Pop Tart! 

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Nails Behind Bars



Lenny on his wedding day


Former Mets outfielder Lenny "Nails" Dykstra was arrested today on charges of embezzlement and grand theft auto. Dykstra, a member of the 1986 Championship Team, is a former steroid user and current asshole. He has spent the last decade posing as a financial expert and magazine publisher in order to steal money from investors and swindle the public.

His suite in Hell will be ready Friday.

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Daniel Murphy: Fuckup

Daniel Murphy is a fuckup.

Oh, I don't say that to be mean, or hurtful, I say it is simply because it's a fact. Water is wet, grass is green, and Daniel Murphy is a fuckup. 

We tried him in left field. He fucked up.

We tried him at first base. Fucked up there too.

We tried platooning him at second base. Fucker fucked up.

Today he made one of the greatest (worst) Mets errors of all time: down 3-0 in the sixth in Game Two of the Atlanta double-header, Murphy attempted to steal third- on his own- and was thrown out by a country mile. Manager Terry Collins- usually frustrated and furious- became even more frustrated and furious. It is rumored that after the game Terry beat Murphy purple with a sack of frozen oranges. You can't blame Collins...

Daniel Murphy's a fuckup.

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Fran The Man

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Guess who just got thrown out of Citi Field trying to use an expired Shea Stadium Press Pass?

"Score it 6 to 3!!!"

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Mr. Met Kills 6, Injures 7

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AP- New York Mets mascot Mr. Met went berserk at Citi Field today and began a bloody rampage that killed six fans and critically wounded seven others. He had to be shot to death by stadium security, leaving unanswered questions about what drove him to this explosion of violence.

"This is a real tragedy, for all mascots," spoke Mr. Mets' longtime associate Philly Phanatic. "I know he was going through a brutal divorce but I had no idea he was this despondent." The Phanatic then pantomimed jumping-jacks for the next forty-five minutes.

Investigators trying to reassemble the sequence of events that led to the grisly slayings believe that Mr. Met showed up at Citi Field at his usual time and promptly began throwing baseballs at spectator's heads. When a security guard confronted him Mr. grabbed a 31 oz. maple bat and began bashing in the brains of fans and vendors.

 The game was delayed by the senseless brutality, and Mr's bullet-riddled body had to be air-lifted off the field by a medi-chopper. He is survived by his wife, two plush toys, a bobblehead and a keychain. The team is asking fans to remember Mr. Met in his better days, when he wasn't cracking your children's skulls with a Louisville Slugger. I think Mr. Met would have liked it that way...

Mr. Met

1962-2011

"His head was a baseball for some reason"

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Did You Ever Notice...

... that Scott Hairston has the skull of a comic-book super-villain?

"Watch out, Radioactive Man!"

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Luis Castillo: Human Diarrhea

Man or simian beast? One thing's for sure: he's no ballplayer. Not since he came to Queens in 2007. Luis Castillo came in under Omar Minaya's regime, part of Operation: Salsa, and he came here to make obscene money and die on the field and at the plate, occasionally looking sad or remorseful for the cameras after a particularly flagrant fuckup.

Today the new Mets General Manager Sandy Alderson released this crippled troglodyte from his obligation to appear, and rather than eulogize the slob with career statistics let's just do what we're supposed to do when we see diarrhea in the bowl.

 

Flush.

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Iggy The Gook

Ryota Igarashi. Met fans call him Iggy The Gook. Iggy's a Japanese Deviate. You know this. Look in his eyes and you know that it's true. There was a power failure at the Hello Kitty factory the day Iggy came down the assembly line... He was dropped by Godzilla as a child... God was blinking when the boy was born. But what do we really know about Japanese Deviates?

They love ketchup. Can't get enough. They love the sweet taste of ketchup and carbonated cola beverages. They also enjoy battery-powered AM radios, action calculators and popsicle sticks. And all we know about Iggy is that his most famous Met moment was on May 23, 2o10, when he came in for relief against the New York Yankees. It was the ninth inning and the Mets were up by five, but that didn't stop Iggy from imploding on national television.

You could blame the high-pressure situation, or the fact that this was Iggy's first appearance back from the DL, or maybe the guy just didn't get enough ketchup that morning. Whatever the reason Iggy began to sweat Kung Pow-style as he stepped on the mound, his body trembling, getting the ball and firing it back at catcher Rod Barajas as fast as he possibly could. He couldn't find the plate, could barely control his bladder. He walked Nick Swisher, threw wild pitches, and gave up hits to Francisco Cervelli and Juan Miranda. All three would score, all charged to Iggy as he was led off the mound in tears.

Iggy The Gook is a Japanese Deviate. He'll implode again... it's just a matter of time...

Somebody get this guy a drink.

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Dinky Being Dinky

Some folks call him Peter Pan, the boy that will never grow up to be a man. Others call him The Great Gazoo, but if you got beaned you'd wear that helmet too!

Us Met fans know him as Dinky Wright: great bat, loads of strikeouts, not-quite-clutch, defensively adequate, and so in love with his own face that he can't go more than ten seconds without grinning like a lunatic.


Smile, Dinky!!!

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Thank You, Omar

Thank you, Omar.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for the long-term contracts. Thank you for Oliver Perez. Thank you for Luis Castillo.

Thank you for your press conferences, in which you scuffled, and pureed the English language in a vain attempt to complete a sentence.

Thank you for refusing diversity on the team, stockpiling Latin players in a move so boldy racist it offended blacks, whites, Latins, and every other ethnicity in New York City.

Thank you for Tony Bernazard. Thank you for standing up to the Evil Adam Rubin, who was surely responsible for the collapse of '07, the botched firing of Willie Randolph, the injury-plagued nightmare of 2oo9.

Thank you for showing us that a dyslexic plaintain salesman from Puerto Rico could magically rise up the ranks of the MLB to destroy our favorite team from the inside, like a sun that's gone supernova, imploding in on itself. Thank you for making the Mets the laughingstock of the Major Leagues. Thank you for merengue night. Thank you for Putz. 

Thank you for being fired, and for removing your slimy hide from Queens, so that we fans can all begin the healing: racial, managerial, contractual. Baseball is resilient, and the Mets will surely recover from your reign.

Thank you for single-handedly trying to destroy the Mets. Thank you for being so inept that you failed at even that. And since international law prevents me from tracking you down and beating you bloody, I'll just have to thank you.

Thank you, Omar.

Omar Minaya

General Manger: 2oo4-2o1o

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