Thank You, Omar

Thank you, Omar.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for the long-term contracts. Thank you for Oliver Perez. Thank you for Luis Castillo.

Thank you for your press conferences, in which you scuffled, and pureed the English language in a vain attempt to complete a sentence.

Thank you for refusing diversity on the team, stockpiling Latin players in a move so boldy racist it offended blacks, whites, Latins, and every other ethnicity in New York City.

Thank you for Tony Bernazard. Thank you for standing up to the Evil Adam Rubin, who was surely responsible for the collapse of '07, the botched firing of Willie Randolph, the injury-plagued nightmare of 2oo9.

Thank you for showing us that a dyslexic plaintain salesman from Puerto Rico could magically rise up the ranks of the MLB to destroy our favorite team from the inside, like a sun that's gone supernova, imploding in on itself. Thank you for making the Mets the laughingstock of the Major Leagues. Thank you for merengue night. Thank you for Putz. 

Thank you for being fired, and for removing your slimy hide from Queens, so that we fans can all begin the healing: racial, managerial, contractual. Baseball is resilient, and the Mets will surely recover from your reign.

Thank you for single-handedly trying to destroy the Mets. Thank you for being so inept that you failed at even that. And since international law prevents me from tracking you down and beating you bloody, I'll just have to thank you.

Thank you, Omar.

Omar Minaya

General Manger: 2oo4-2o1o

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Have You Seen This Pitcher?

Name: John Maine

Position: Pitcher

Bats: Right

Throws: Poorly

Ht: 6' 4", Wt: 2oo Lbs

John Maine was last seen playing with his friends in Flushing, Queens, when he simply vanished off the face of the planet. Was he injured? Abducted? Were there mental issues affecting his mysterious disappearance? John was a 15 game winner in 2oo7 and won 10 in 2oo8... but there has never been a satisfactory explanation for his breakdown and disappearance. If you spot John's 94 mile an hour fastball please contact the Mets at (718) 507-TIXX... because a pitcher is a terrible thing to waste.

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Mike, Ike & Daniel Murphy

See if you can explain this one to me- the Mets had three players this Spring fighting for the first base job:

1. Daniel Murphy, who was promised the job after his 2oo9 left-field debacle
2. Ike Davis, the rookie who's been hitting the cover off the ball
3. Mike Jacobs

So the Mets decide to give Murphy the job out of allegiance, and in spite of the fact that Ike's hitting much, much better. Okay... In a strange coincidence Murphy gets injured in a spring training game on March 3oth- just five days before the start of the season- and starts the year on the Disabled List. Okay... So do the Mets go to their Number One first base prospect Ike Davis? No, they announce that Mike Jacobs will be starting at first. Okay...

Of course, thirteen days into the season Mike is sent down and Ike is finally brought up. I think it's pretty clear what went on here: this was a public relations plan to save Murphy face by being passed over for the first base job. Daniel never hurt his knee, and the Mets never wanted Jacobs at first. So I guess everybody got what they wanted, except for Daniel Murphy and Mike Jacobs.

You better hit the baseball, Ike.

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Rock-Bottom

Because we aren't pathetic enough.

Today, Luis Castillo tripped down the dugout steps after grounding out and was promptly placed on the Disabled List. This is in the midst of the most injury-plagued season in professional sports history. Jose Reyes, Carlos Delgado, JJ Putz, Carlos Beltran, Johan Santana, Oliver Perez, Alex Cora...

And Luis Castillo trips down the dugout steps.

If there's anything funny about this please let me know.

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She's The Boss

Let's be honest: when you think Alyssa Milano, you think Mets baseball. 

Well, not really, but she's trying. The perennial television hottie- who hasn't aged since '93- just opened a specialty shop in Citi Field, one of the lovely feminine boutiques that are the hallmark of any great stadium. I think we should all help this multi-millionaire become a multi-multi-millionaire by visiting her store often. You can buy Met sports bras for fifty bucks, maternity aprons, and even a pair of lovely Met panties, that may have been worn by Alyssa herself, but probably weren't.

Look at the soft stitching of the G-string as it meets with the waistband, the bikini-cut legs that show off her creamy thighs, the snug fit of the bottom around her full, impossibly-tight-

Hey guys, there's a game going on here!!!

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WE W I N ! ! !

The Mets win the World Series!!! This is a perfect end to the most magical season I have ever witnessed... a team this great is destined to repeat in 87! What could possibly go wrong?

God bless the New York Mets and the summer of '86!!!

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