Luis Castillo: Human Diarrhea

Man or simian beast? One thing's for sure: he's no ballplayer. Not since he came to Queens in 2007. Luis Castillo came in under Omar Minaya's regime, part of Operation: Salsa, and he came here to make obscene money and die on the field and at the plate, occasionally looking sad or remorseful for the cameras after a particularly flagrant fuckup.

Today the new Mets General Manager Sandy Alderson released this crippled troglodyte from his obligation to appear, and rather than eulogize the slob with career statistics let's just do what we're supposed to do when we see diarrhea in the bowl.

 

Flush.

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Thank You, Omar

Thank you, Omar.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for the long-term contracts. Thank you for Oliver Perez. Thank you for Luis Castillo.

Thank you for your press conferences, in which you scuffled, and pureed the English language in a vain attempt to complete a sentence.

Thank you for refusing diversity on the team, stockpiling Latin players in a move so boldy racist it offended blacks, whites, Latins, and every other ethnicity in New York City.

Thank you for Tony Bernazard. Thank you for standing up to the Evil Adam Rubin, who was surely responsible for the collapse of '07, the botched firing of Willie Randolph, the injury-plagued nightmare of 2oo9.

Thank you for showing us that a dyslexic plaintain salesman from Puerto Rico could magically rise up the ranks of the MLB to destroy our favorite team from the inside, like a sun that's gone supernova, imploding in on itself. Thank you for making the Mets the laughingstock of the Major Leagues. Thank you for merengue night. Thank you for Putz. 

Thank you for being fired, and for removing your slimy hide from Queens, so that we fans can all begin the healing: racial, managerial, contractual. Baseball is resilient, and the Mets will surely recover from your reign.

Thank you for single-handedly trying to destroy the Mets. Thank you for being so inept that you failed at even that. And since international law prevents me from tracking you down and beating you bloody, I'll just have to thank you.

Thank you, Omar.

Omar Minaya

General Manger: 2oo4-2o1o

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